Chronic Bad Decision Syndrome

Chronic Bad Decision Syndrome
If you've watched TV's Seinfeld, then you're familiar with Jason Alexander's perpetual underdog character, George Costanza. George is notorious for getting in his own way in just about everything he does. It is his defining and, with the exception of a few episodes, consistent character theme. Not only is the character loosely based on real life stumbler, Larry David, George Costanza embodies a flaw many of us suffer from; Chronic Bad Decision Syndrome (CBDS).

Now don't go looking for CBDS online. I've made the term up (though if you have a child 3 years or older, you can apparently have them drive a Ferrari through a UK based company with the same name). But I think CBDS describes perfectly what many of us suffer from in at least some aspects of our lives. Overcoming it can mean truly staggering changes in our careers and our lives.

CBDS can be severe or moderate (if it's mild, it's probably just bad luck). Examples of severe cases include the George Costanza character, a former president who shall remain nameless and even the Octo-mom who, reports claim, is now considering the addition of a miniature pig to the already staggering brood of children she can't afford to care for. The good news is that most of us get through life without suffering from CBDS to the same degree as these unfortunate souls. The bad news is that many of us endure, unrecognized, a syndrome we could cure if only we'd learn to recognize that we have it.

How many of you know somebody who is brilliant in their chosen career but an utter failure outside of work? How many of you know a genuinely good person who finds themselves in one failed and miserable relationship after another? Perhaps you know one of those people who really works their tail off to succeed at something but always winds up failing anyway. They're all around us, folks; CBDS sufferers who don't even know they're sick.

CBDS in my own life manifested itself in two specific areas. The first was an endless stream of failed relationships. The second was always feeling like I was trying to pull off some l1th hour emergency solution to problems in my life. The good news is that I long ago solved the first problem and am making diligent strides to making the second problem a part of my past as well. How? By admitting that it's all my fault.

I know that's a tough pill to swallow in this age of blame, scapegoating and abject refusal to assume responsibility, but hear me out, folks. Einstein said, "an unwise man expects different results from the same action," and he's absolutely correct. The same goes for those suffering from CBDS. We meet our lovers in the same settings over and over. We chase the same personality type over and over. We repeat our actions again and again and then feel hurt and betrayed when, despite all our efforts, we end up failing. The primary symptom of CBDS is the repeating of experiments without learning from the results.

In Seinfeld, George Costanza briefly overcame his CBDS by doing the exact opposite of what his instincts dictated. While a bit extreme and oversimplified, the basic premise is sound. My relationship problems went away when I stopped looking for nurturing women or women who needed to nurture somebody (I assume I leaned to that personality because I lost my mother at a young age) and looked, instead, for an equal who would force me to stand on my own two feet. The result was a marriage that is still going strong after 9 years with no end in sight. We are a team of equals and I couldn't be happier. Even better, I am a stronger and more independent person for having her in my life.

The conclusion I can draw here is that, much as I'd like to blame them, all of my ex's can rest comfortably knowing that I accept full responsibility for the failure of our relationships simply because I was an idiot to have gotten into relationships with them in the first place. They deserved better, and so did I. Sorry about that, ladies.

The second CBDS problem in my own life is the seeming frequency with which I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place. For years, I blamed this on misfortune, or ill-will on the part of others. But I can acknowledge now that my tendency to find myself in 11th hour crunches is the natural result of my tendency to procrastinate. I routinely let myself get distracted or put off till tomorrow the things I should be doing right now. Is it any wonder I subsequently find myself rushed to get things done? Do I really need that stress?

Overcoming CBDS is all about accepting responsibility and taking action to change. Own your life or you will eternally be at the mercy of the false assumption that you are cursed. Sometimes it simply requires a subtle shift. Other times it requires deep introspection, analysis and an unwavering commitment to make different choices that at least have a hope of resulting in different outcomes than the undesirable ones we've been experiencing.

Do you make a comfortable income but always find yourself struggling with bills at the end of the month? If you're making good money then it is probably poor decision making that's hurting you. Commit to making a budget, cutting out the frivolous and unnecessary expenses and getting your financial life on track.

Does every girl you meet at your local bar turn out to be a lunatic? It's not their fault you keep picking them up. Either stop looking for love from drunks in a bar or learn to recognize the character traits that are common across all the lunatics you've dated and refuse to continue down that rut by going for a completely different personality type.

Do you always struggle to get things done on time? It isn't the clock's fault. Recognize that you are bad with time management and learn how to do better. Difficult as it may be to ignore distractions and motivate towards immediate action, the rewards of finding yourself ahead of the game rather than playing catch-up more than compensate. It's a much better way to live, I promise.

Do you find yourself in one miserable job after another? If it isn't forced labor then it's you who picked the job. Consider a career change. Try something new. You might like it.

Paying high insurance premiums because you keep getting speeding tickets? It isn't your car's fault. It isn't the cop's fault. You are the one in charge of the gas pedal. Choose to do better unless you enjoy throwing away your money.

The hardest parts of overcoming CBDS are recognizing your responsibility in the results you're getting and sticking to a commitment to change. Once you do that, you'll be on your way to better results, better relationships and a better life. You're the only one who can make the difference. All you need do is make the choice, the right choice, to stop repeating the same experiment expecting different results.


Chronic Bad Decision, bad decision, failure, better relationships, better life
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